See below for an extensive explanation of these seminars:
B”H
Rough Draft of Expediting the Geulah Meeting
Welcome to the Beachwood Library Sunday 1:00 pm Expediting the Geulah Meeting. We are combining Torah and AlAnon to help us successfully interact with violence addicts, G-d willing.
I am praying that in the merit of these Meetings the neshamas (souls) of Bram (Moshe Aharon Betzalel ben Chaya Amie), my Father (Daniel Eliyahu ben Marie), my Mother (Elaine Marilyn bat Etta), my Grandfather (Abraham) and my Grandmother (Etta) will have an aliyah (go up higher and higher levels in Heaven). Would anyone like to add the name of someone to this aliyah prayer list?
We will begin by introducing our selves by first name only.
Let us read the Thirteen Steps for our Expediting the Geulah Meeting. These Steps draw upon the wording of Twelve Step Meetings and Thirteen Step Meetings. Twelve Step Meetings try to help participants find freedom from their addictions (compulsions). Thirteen Step Meetings are relatively new, and combine Torah and the Overeaters Anonymous Program. Thirteen Step Meetings are called To Live With Choice or TLC.
I am not a spokesperson for the 12 Step Program or the 13 Step To Live with Choice (TLC) Program. The 12 Step Program and TLC have no spokesperson, and have no opinions on outside issues. I am gratefully following Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD’s lead by combining Torah with the 12 Step Program.
The Steps for our Torah/AlAnon Meeting are:
- We admitted that on our own, we were powerless over violence addicts — that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d as we understood Him.
4) Made a loving, searching, and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5) We come to realize that our compulsive behavior is caused by issues within us that are waiting to be addressed.
6) Admitted to G-d, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
7) We confide, on a regular basis, in a trustworthy person (hopefully a Sponsor) for help, wisdom, and loving guidance.
8) Were entirely ready, and humbly asked G-d to help us find freedom from our character defects.
9) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
10) Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
11) Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
12) In working our Program, we seek to cleave to G-d through cleaving to our role models, we study Torah/Addiction books, and we attend Meetings. While working our Program we pray for knowledge of G-d’s Will for our lives, and the power to carry that out with geshmach (delight).
13) Having experienced partnership with G-d as the result of these steps, we try to share the geshmach (delight) of this knowledge with others, and to practice these principles in all of our endeavors.
Violence addicts are slaves to the yetzer hara (the evil inclination). We seek to find freedom from slavery to the compulsion to control violence addicts.
The Expediting the Geulah Meeting is a fellowship of relatives, friends, and victims of violence addicts who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems. We believe violence addiction is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.
One definition of a “violence addict” is someone who perpetrates verbal, psychological, and/or physical abuse within the microcosm of the family. A “violence addict” may also be someone who perpetrates terrorism within the macrocosm of the Family of Man.
The Cleveland Jewish Family Service’s “Overcoming Powerless” course taught domestic abuse victims that if they react to abuse in an aggressive or passive manner, the downward spiral of abuse in the home usually gets worse. The course also taught that assertiveness on the part of the victim is a breath of fresh air which helps the victim heal.
What are aggression, passivity, and assertiveness?
The violence addict, on his or her own, is powerless over his or her aggression. He or she compulsively, forcefully, and repeatedly violates the spiritual and/or physical boundaries of another.
Where does aggression come from?
The amygdala, the reptile part of the brain, which is fully formed in the womb, reacts automatically and compulsively. The amygdala is at the bottom of the brain, near the back of the neck, and is the source of fear and aggression (http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/health/anxiety-can-it-be-controlled/2012/08/18/0/?; http://www.miriamadahan.com/index.aspx?id=2446, blog 8/20/13).
According to Rabbi Twerski, MD, addictive (compulsive) thinking leads to addictive (compulsive) action (Addictive Thinking).
What is passivity?
Passivity is defined as doing nothing or almost nothing, due to an “I don’t care” attitude.
What is assertiveness?
The central character strength that helps the victim find freedom from abuse is assertiveness. Assertiveness means responding to abuse, by making a choice (http://www.miriamadahan.com/index.aspx?id=2446, blog 8/20/13).
The cortex, which starts to form in the womb, usually takes more than twenty years to develop after the individual is born. It is in the forehead, and gives us the opportunity to think before we respond.
The head portion of tefillin (Torah prayer boxes and straps for men) connects the knot of the leather straps, placed on the amygdala, to the box containing Torah passages, placed on the cortex. The physical presence of tefillin symbollically asks G-d to help men untangle the knot in their thoughts by directing their thoughts through the Torah on their cortex.
Assertiveness means cleaving to Hashem, both as a servant and a partner (see Rabbi Twerski, MD’s Let Us Make Man). Assertiveness means standing upright (being righteous), treating one’s self and others with dignity. Assertiveness also means reaching out, as an individual (or a People), to find an enlightened network of support. The domestic (or international) victim has to have perseverance to reach out, as needed: to Hashem, to Rabbis, to a Sponsor, to Doctors, to others who have Torah/12 Step wisdom, to the Courts, to the Police (or to the Army).
The Expediting the Geulah Meeting has but one purpose: to help families, friends, and victims of violence addicts. We do this by practicing our Thirteen Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families, friends, and victims of violence addicts, and by praying that the violence addict experience teshuvah (a return to G-d).
We will pass around a Certificate of Appreciation for positive comments about the Speaker only.
Would someone like to read today’s message from Seek Sobriety Find Serenity (written by Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD), Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in AlAnon, or Hope for Today?
In order to make our Meeting a safe place, we refrain from cross talk. Cross talk is a reply to another person’s share or an effort to fix others.
We also refrain from lashon hara (negative speech). In order to avoid lashon hara, when you mention someone in a negative way, please do not mention that person’s name, or details which would identify him or her. If you prefer not to talk about people you know, you could raise issues that people in the Torah world have faced. For example, a person can say: “I am speaking through Joseph, and I am distraught by my Brothers’ jealousy and hatred.” Or a person can say: “I am speaking through a weak straggler, barely able to keep up as the Jewish people were leaving Eygpt, and I feel devastaed that Amalek is trying to destroy me.”
Introduce speaker. (Usually the Speaker will discuss one of the Steps, and will mention 12 Step, To Live with Choice (TLC) 13 Step, and/or Torah writings.)
We now open up the Meeting for comments. Please keep your comments relatively brief, so that all who wish to have an opportunity to share. If you wish to discuss an issue at great length, we suggest that you discuss the issue with a participant before or after the Meeting, or contact your Sponsor.
Thank you for being our Speaker today. Here is your Certificate of Appreciation. May G-d bless you, Am Yisrael (the Nation of the Jewish People), and the Family of Man with shalom, excellent health,
happiness, success, prosperity, sweetness, and the Geulah (Redemption), coming soon through peaceful and pleasant means.
Our Meetings are free, however financial contributions at our Meetings or at https://thechesedfund.com/cause/bram-glazer-memorial-fund are deeply appreciated.
Will all who wish to, please join me in an amended Third Step Prayer (we might sing this Prayer or other prayers, and dance in a circle using a mechitza, a wall to provide privacy between men and women):
G-d, please help me to serve you, and be a partner in creation, with geshmach (pleasure).
Please graciously free me from the slavery of compulsion, so that I may exalt your Name throughout the world.
Please mercifully help me build my character, so that I may help expedite the building of the Third Temple (which will arrive during an eternal Age of Peace).
Please take away my difficulties,
so that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of
Thy Love, Thy Wisdom, and Thy Oneness.
Please help me, Am Yisrael, and the Family of Man live a sweet and fruitful life.
May my life bring glory to thy Name always!
Keep coming back! It works if you work it.
Explanatory Notes about Meetings
Proverb 3:17 states that Wisdom’s “ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths, peaceful.”
12 Step AlAnon Meeting are pleasant and peaceful. Psalm 126 states “When Hashem will return the captivity of Zion, we will be like dreamers. Then our mouth will be filled with laughter and our tongue with glad song.” Usually there is quite a bit of laughter at AlAnon Meetings.
Aish Hatorah (Fire of the Torah: organization that tries to help Jews experience true, resplendent, fresh spirituality) Rabbi Chaim Feld gave a shiur (lecture) last Shabbat (Saturday) on eruv Shavuot (the day before the Jewish Holiday celebrating the giving of the Torah to the Jewish People) pointing out that the opening lines of the Torah Parshat (Chapter) Bechukosai (Leviticus 26:3) state that if Jewish people walk in the ways of Torah mitzvot (Commandments): G-d will provide rain in its proper time in Israel, the produce from working the land will be overflowing and consistent, Jewish people will eat Israel’s produce and feel satiety, and the Jewish People will dwell securely and peacefully in Israel.
I believe that Torah, combined with 12 Step and 13 Step wisdom, can save lives within Am Yisrael, because our Meetings can help us be victorious over the yetzer hara (evil inclination). When I suggest that our Meetings can save lives within Am Yisrael, I am not diminishing the role of the Israeli Defense Force (IDF). Each member of the IDF is a hero for all eternity.
Our Meetings are a kind of spiritual karate – we are learning how to successfully defend ourselves from the yetzer hara. And our Meetings are also an effort to bring forth a new kind of life for Am Yisrael – a life without war.
Chazal (our sages) tell us that in every generation an enemy rises up to destroy us, and then G-d helps
our People experience victory over that enemy. When members of the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) kill a terrorist, they are killing the physical body of the terrorist. Physically killing the member of a group which holds a certain worldview does not wipe away that group’s worldview. My hypothesis is that when a member of the IDF kills the physical body of one of our enemies, another enemy’s physical body is born to take that decedent’s place. With our Meetings, we are trying to make a breakthrough from that pattern.
When a domestic violence addict hurts a member of a family, American law does not permit the victim to kill that abuser, unless the victim is protecting himself or herself from an imminent threat of death. Our Israeli Defense Force is permitted under International Law to protect Israelis from the imminent threat of death. UN Charter, Article 51 proclaims the inherent right of self-defense.
In a domestic situation, the victim comes to recognize that the abuser is repeating his or her abuse over and over, and so the victim can plan ahead and take measures to find freedom from the abuse. Just as AlAnon teaches a domestic victim preventative methods to help him or her find freedom from abuse, we are praying that our Meetings can help Am Yisrael (the Jewish People) learn preventative measures that can help us find freedom from terrorism.
Rabbis Arush and Brody in Jerusalem continually say that the real enemy of the Jewish people is not terrorists. They repeatedly say that our real enemy is the yetzer hara (evil inclination). Rabbi Arush writes that this is the most difficult time in 3,300 years of Jewish history, and that he is fighting to keep his faith every day. He then quotes Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, of blessed memory, (the Rebbe) to say that a little bit of light can defeat vast darkness (http://destination-yisrael.biblesearchers.com/destination-yisrael/2011/11/rabbi-shalom-arush-the-final-struggle-of-the-gog-magog-war.html).
Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory, has stated that the worst illness a person can have is
ignorance (http://www.simpletoremember.com/media/a/345-27-wn790n-48–
ways-27/ and http://www.simpletoremember.com/media/a/345-10-wn790ee-48-ways-10/).
This Meeting is trying to spread the knowledge that G-d created the Universe, and that He wants the
Jewish people to engage, with love and simcha (faith or happiness), in the performance of the 613
Commandments that we can do today in order to experience peace and security.
Rabbi Benzion Klatzko has a lecture on line at https://www.torahanytime.com/audio/basics-of-kiruv/ in which he states that within the last ten years the most brilliant scientists at Yale, Harvard, and Princeton have found that there is an overwhelming probability that G-d created the Universe with intelligent design. Today, the most erudite scientists in the field of cosmology have concluded that the Universe is so intricately and finely tuned that it is irrational to think that it could have come together randomly.
Rabbi Klatzko then goes on to ask: “What does G-d want from the Jewish People?” Rabbi Klatzko answers that G-d wants the Jewish People to honor the 613 Commandments in the Written Torah, by studying it and the Oral Torah together, and wants Jewish People to live in unity with the Torahs’ instructions.
Rabbi Klatzko states in his shiur (lecture) that G-d gave the Written and Oral Torahs 3,300 years ago on Mt. Sinai to every Jew in the world, who numbered in the millions. When people ask whether G-d gave the Written and Oral Torahs, or whether a false Prophet made them up, Rabbi Klatzko points to the Torahs instructions (Commandments) which say that every generation of Jews will tell every Jewish child about the Exodus experience [Deuteronomy 6; Deuteronomy 31: 9- 30].
Rabbi Klatzko then states that a false Prophet could not have claimed to have written the Torah within the last two thousand years, because the Dead Sea Scrolls (five identical complete written Torahs) were already a living document at that time. Then, archeological findings in Jerusalem prove that the First and Second Temples existed, with measurements in line with specifications in the Written Torah, and the First Temple existed a thousand years before the writing of the Dead Sea Scrolls. So, a false Prohet could not have written the Torah within the last three thousand years. Then, Rabbi Klatzko states that for the first 100 years after G-d gave the Torah, children, parents, and grandparents were alive who discussed the Mt. Sinai experience, and they could have challenged an imposter.
That leaves only 200 years that we can explore to to find out whether the Written and Oral Torahs were existent at that time. Rabbi Klatzko then says that during those two hundred years there was a National Memory, where Jewish people wrote songs and poems about the experience of the revelation on Mt. Sinai. Rabbi Klatzko then states that Masada (a location in Israel where the Jewish People lived and died in devotion to their faith) has the remains of a mikveh (Jewish sacred pool of water) which goes back in time before the Oral Tradition was written down. The complex dimensions of the Masada mikveh were faithful to the Oral Tradition before it was written down. Thus, Rabbi Klazko shows the validity of the Written and Oral Torahs, because of a continuous historical chain of transmission.
Rabbi Jonathan Reitti in a shiur (lecture) online states that G-d gave the Oral Torah and the Written Torah at the same time on Mt. Sinai (https://www.torahanytime.com/video/keiravtuni-3-how-do-we-know-torah-shel-baal-peh-was-given-at-sinai/). He shows how the Written Law in the Torah is incomprehensible without the Oral Tradition. He states that the Oral Tradition must be passed down from a Rabbi to a student who physically study together, so that the Rabbi can teach the student how to live a Torah true life. Rabbi Reitti notes that just as a medical student must experience an internship, and can not learn how to perform surgery simply from reading medical books, a Jewish student needs to experience an internship under a Rabbi. The Jewish student needs to study how his Rabbi thinks, speaks, and acts, in order to become a Talmud Chochem (student of a wise person).
G-d created the Universe with thoughts,words, and actions. Our thoughts, words, and actions can be creative or destructive. The choice is up to the individual. G-d created us in His image, and so because He has free choice, He gave us free choice.
Meetings are very powerful in helping us experience the freedom of making healthy, holy, and happy choices. “Hal” is the Old English root of “healthy,” “holy,” “happy,” and “Halleluyah.” When G-d graciously permits us to exercise free choice, we are finding freedom from the slavery of our compulsive thoughts and/or addictions.
Singing Halleluyah and dancing in gratitude because we have left our personal Egypt (slavery) helps us come closer to G-d. One can sing one’s prayers to the melodies of Jewish Shomre Shabbos (Shabbat observant) singers Ari Lesser at https://www.facebook.com/arithemc/ or Gad Elbaz at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iN9MeUn3-w. Doing the 613 mitzvot (Commandments) according to the Oral Tradition with simcha (faith or happiness) protects us from our enemies (Deuteronomy 28:47).
The Sukkah (Jewish holiday sacred hut) teaches us that our money is not where our security is. When we are inside of a mitzvah, that we have physically constructed with gratitude, love, wisdom, and happiness, that is where our security is. When one sings one’s prayers with gratitude, love, wisdom, and happiness, and dances at the same time, there is a possibility of graciously feeling the loving Oneness of G-d.
According to our Sages, wisdom that emanates from Jerusalem is extremely pure. Shomre Shabbos (Shabbat observant) Rabbi Efraim Stauber in Jerusalem has recently experienced an inspiration which helps him feel more gratitude, and helps him feel closer to G-d. Instead of just asking G-d for things he does not have, he has also started to ask G-d for things he does have, and takes for granted (https://www.torahanytime.com/video/faith-6-upgrade-to-pro-jew/). For example, perhaps one is thirsty, and has a favorite spring water at home. (Distillata, from Ohio is one of my favorites.) So, I would say “G-d, may I please have a drink of one of my favorite kinds of spring water?” Then when one makes the proper Hebrew blessing before drinking the water, one could also say to G-d: “I love You, respect You, and Believe in You forever for giving me one of my favorite kinds of spring water.” Participating in this fun, humorous game throughout the day, asking G-d for blessings we already have, and then thanking Him for answering in the affirmative by proclaiming love for Him, can really elevate one’s emotional feeling of gratitude, and help one feel closer to G-d.
Dr. Miriam Adahan is another light who lives in Jerusalem. She is a Shomre Shabbos (Shabbat observant) Cognitive Therapist. In our Meetings, we will draw upon Dr. Adahan’s EMETT method, as needed. Dr. Adahan infused Dr. Abraham Low’s Recovery Program with Torah to bring forth EMETT. Emett means “truth” in Hebrew, and stands for Emotional Maturity Through Torah. Dr. Adahan’s work is stellar in helping people find freedom from temper tantrums. Participants in the EMETT group give
examples of small incidents of stress in their day. They then apply a combination of Torah, Dr. Adahan’s Cognitive Therapy, and Dr. Low’s Cognitive Therapy to help them successfully interact with the stressful situation. At the end of the Group Torah/Cognitive Therapy session, participants endorse themselves for the middot (character stengths) they exercised in grappling with the small stressful situation. Some examples of middot are: love, gratitude, faith, kindness, truthfulness, gentleness, empathy, being responsible, studiousness, resilience, patience, assertiveness, and perseverance.
Gentleness when combined with perseverance can be more powerful than brute force. Monty Roberts, the original horse whisperer, wrote in his autobiography that knowledge, gentleness, love, respect, and perseverance are more effective in obtaining cooperation from a horse than is brute force. Rabbi Akiva, in seeing how continuous drops of water could make a hole in rock, concluded that gentle continuous drops of water of the Torah could over time penetrate the rock of his mind, and so he began studying Torah at age forty, and became one of the most resplendent Torah scholars of all time.
Rebbetzin Rachel Berman, in her stellar Cleveland EMETT Course, stated that with regard to teaching the principles of lashon hara (negative speech), one component is often overlooked. That element is: we are to regularly unburden our heart to a spiritual guidance counselor, who can help us turn our
negative thoughts, words, and actions into positive thoughts, words, and actions. So, our Meetings will provide a forum for people to unburden their hearts on a regular basis, G-d willing, to help them go up and experience more health spiritually and physically.
One goal of our Meetings is to help Am Yisrael (the People of Israel) achieve victory over Amalek. Amalek attacked our weak stragglers when the Jewish people left Egypt. The Torah commands us to completely destroy Amalek. Our sages tell us we no longer know who the Amalek tribe is, so we cannot physically kill them (Rabbi Abraham Stone, Highlights of Moshiach, pp. 13 – 16). Our sages tell us that the present day role of Amalek is to make us doubt that there is a Creator who does everything for the best.
The present role of Amalek is to take away our enthusiasm. When Jewish people feel devastated by the terrorism that is going on in the world right now, and feel powerless over their feelings of devastation, they are feeling hopeless in a compulsive way.
Only Hashem can graciously help us find freedom from feelings of devastation. We hope that our Meetings can help Jewish people respond to feelings of devastation with assertiveness. We hope that our Meetings can help Jewish People take tiny actions to network with fellow Jews to build unity.
Our sages, including Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD, tell us that according to the Talmud if Jews unite we are invincible (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0qsGAhNMpIOU1hqVjVWaDl0VG8/view).
Our sages also tell us that according to the Thirteen Principles of the Rambam, the Messianic
Age will come no matter what we do. We can expedite it, if we celebrate each of our tiny victories in character refinement, because then momentum will lead to more victories of middot (character)
refinement. Rabbi Feld in the eruv Shavuot Shabbat shiur (day before Shavuos, Sabbath lecture) said Torah observance is not an all or nothing effort. For instance, if a Baal Teshuva (Jewish person returning to his faith) is not up to fasting on Yom Kippur (the Jewish day of fasting and repentance), even if he makes a decision not to eat Boston Cream pie on that day, and then does not eat it, that abstinence is very meritorious.
What is wrong with an action being tiny? After all, how big is a tiny seed? Rabbi Benzion Klatzko states that the most brilliant modern scientists today agree that the Universe began as a tiny seed
(https://www.torahanytime.com/audio/basics-of–kiruv/). That is also the view of our Torah Sages, including Rashi and the Rambam, who came to that conclusion more than a thousand years ago.
In our modern world of sports, winning is very important. According to Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein the emphasis on one team winning, and one team being a loser, is contrary to the Torah. We should celebrate “our effort, not our success” (see also Dr. Miriam Adahan, EMETT, p.29, quoting Duties of the Heart, V 2, p.23.) Our sages tell us the effort is up to us, the success is up to G-d. We can not control G-d (Step 1). Whatever happens is from G-d, it is for a purpose, and is for the best (Garden of Emunah, by Rabbi Shalom Arush, translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody). We cannot always understand why He does what He does while we are in a physical body. (Moshe asked G-d why the righteous suffer, and G-d replied that people can not understand the answer while we are in a physical body.)
According to our Sages our smallest effort to do a mitzvah (Commandment) with loving-kindness and simcha (happiness, faith) receives huge, huge rewards in Heaven. Natan, a 15 year old Secular Israeli who had a 15 minute clinical death experience on the first day of Sukkot in 2015, has related that during that 15 minute near death experience, he entered the lower levels of Heaven, where he saw that the smallest mitzvah that one performs on Earth is considered in Heaven to be “huge. Huge.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_a5v2dbdBk.) Natan continued to describe Heaven by saying: “The littlest thing [good deed] there overturns entire worlds.” For every little mitzvah one has performed on earth there is a light one sees in Heaven, the brighter the light, the more the reward. And for every mitzvah one has performed on Earth, the people in Heaven cheer for the person who did the mitzvah and call him“tzaddik, tzaddik” (righteous, righteous person) (Frames 7:53 – 8:28). Natan also relates that a person is not judged as righteous if they simply wear a kippah (head covering) or have a beard. They are judged righteous in Heaven if they are pure and do the mitzvot with chesed (loving-kindness)(Frames 36:02 – 36:28).
According to Rebbetzin Esther Baila Schwartz when we engage in tiny efforts to do mitzvot with chesed (lovingkindness), our efforts effect the entire universe (Frames 18:00 – 19:04; https://www.torahanytime.com/video/where-did-pesach-5775-go/). We can say a tiny thank you to one of our fellow Jews today for a kindness he or she bestowed upon us, in order to take one step toward building Jewish Unity. And, we can make the tiny effort to smile pleasantly from within when we greet others, as Shammai suggested in Pirkei Avot ( The Sayings of our Fathers 1:15; https://www.torahanytime.com/video/smiling-part-6/.) We might think: how can I smile at someone, when I am feeling so down? We can look at each individual and try to visualize him or her as he or she looked when he or she was an innocent, tiny baby. We can smile, with our inner child, at another person’s inner child. Isaiah 11:6 tells us that with regard to the Geulah (Redemption)… “a small child shall lead them.”
Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD continual states in his work that we should treat everyone with
dignity. How can we treat people with dignity who have hurt us so much that we feel devastated? Our Program helps us realize that we cannot change someone who has hurt us (Step 1).
How can we find freedom from compulsively thinking about how much we resent people who
have hurt us? The 12 Step Program repeatedly teaches that those who hold on tightly to their
resentments will usually not be able to find freedom from their addictions. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (p. 552) and Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD’s Forgiveness (pp. 187 – 189) both recommend methods to help one forgive the pure spirit within each person. The issue of forgiveness is one that I understand intellectually, but sometimes I do not understand it emotionally. So I present the concept of forgiveness here, hoping that Torah/12 Step/13 Step mentors can help me more fully feel it.
Rabbi Twerski, MD states that a person’s inner spirit is like an underground diamond. All the stone and dirt around the diamond-in-the-rough does not detract from its potential inner light. A person must dig for his inner diamond, clean away the dirt, chip away the surrounding rock, study and cut the unique diamond with knowledge in order to bring forth the most brilliance, and polish it so it gives off radiance.
So, when we make the intellectual effort to forgive someone, we can forgive the pure person
within the person who hurt us. This is intellectual (in our head) forgiveness. How can we
emotionally forgive someone who hurt us? The Big Book and the first of Rabbi Twerski, MD’s two forgiveness methods are: pray for the perpetrator, and ask for him or her everything that you want for yourself. One can pray that he or she experiences peace, excellent health, happiness, teshuvah (a return to G-d), prosperity, sweetness, and the Geulah (Redemption).
Even though one may have said a prayer for an abuser, and one knows that one’s higher self wants peace, happiness, and prosperity for the abuser, one may still feel resentment toward the abuser. So, then one can try Rabbi Twerski, MD’s second suggestion: “When you feel relaxed, think of the image of someone for whom you have strong positive feelings, such as love and admiration. Once you have that image, introduce into the scene the image of the person whom you dislike. … Focus on the positive feelings toward the person whom you love or admire, and try to apply these feelings to the person you dislike….[B]egin by looking for something praiseworthy in the offender, Hashem will enable you to develop positive feelings, and you will be able to divest yourself of harmful resentment” (Forgiveness, pp.188-189).
I can make the effort to forgive, but ultimately only G-d can help me feel forgiveness. I do feel the forgiveness that Joseph felt towards his Brothers, Baruch Hashem (thank G-d).
But, sometimes I am not up to forgiving. For instance, I do not feel like forgiving terrorists. At those times I can ask G-d to make me willing to forgive their inner child. Just because we forgive a terrorist, that does not stop us from taking action against them. We can forgive their inner child and still take Court or Military action against them, to protect ourselves and others. Our sages, including the Chofetz Chaim, tell us that when the Moshiach (Messiah) arrives, all our questions will evaporate, we will understand everything, including why the righteous suffered, and our euphoria will be eternal (https://www.torahanytime.com/video/pesach-eternity-masquarading-as-tragedy/).
Rabbi Jonathon Reitti has a shiur (lecture) online where he clarifies that forgiveness is for the benefit of the victim. He states that forgiveness helps the victim let go of a grudge that has been draining the victim’s energy. (“Let go and let G-d” is a 12 Step Slogan.) Rabbi Reitti states in his lecture that by letting go the victim can sleep better at night (“The Anatomy of Hatred;” http://jewishinspiration.com/videos/).
Jews are to give of our whole heart, soul, and resources in our effort to live a Shomre Shabbos (Shabbat observant) life; the outcome of our effort is up to Hashem. Jewish Orthodox prayers tell us that G-d
loves us. (See Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein shiur at https://www.torahanytime.com/video/chesed-bikur-
cholim/.) Rabbi Avigdor Miller, of blessed memory, speaks about how important it is to tell G-d that
we love Him, and that we love our People, because our emotions frequently follow our words (https://www.torahanytime.com/audio/diamonds-on-the-road/). When we tell G-d that we love, respect, and believe in Him, our selves, and our People, forever, we build closer relationships with Him, our selves, and our People.
When we were counting the Omer between Pesach (Passover) and Shavuot (the giving of the Torah on Mt. Sinai), our counting of the Omer was essentially an effort to refine our middot (character). We were especially trying to treat our fellow Jew with honor, in remembrance of Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000
students who died because they did not treat each other with enough respect. Our study of Rabbi Akiva teaches us to have perseverance, because after his 24,000 students died, he started again with five students, who recorded the Oral Tradition. Rabbi Akiva’s life also teaches us to have patience. When we do not understand why the righteous, like Rabbi Akiva, suffer in this life, we should have patience (which is another name for faith), because we will understand why when the Moshiach comes
(https://www.torahanytime.com/video/pesach-eternity-masquarading-as-tragedy/).
According to Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD, the whole purpose of Torah and mitzvot is to help us refine our character (Lights Along the Way at viii, quoting Vayikra Rabbah 13:3).
Summary
The Rambam in his 13 Principles of Faith tells us the Geulah (Redemption) will come, no matter what we do, because it is part of G-d’s Plan. The Torah tells us that when the Jewish People keep the 613 mitzvot (Commandments) we can do today in unity with the Oral Tradition, acting with love, simcha (faith or happiness), and enthusiasm, we can live securely in Israel (Leviticus 26:3; Deuteronomy 28:47).
When we make a wholehearted effort to build our character with geshmach (delight) and assertiveness, G-d helps us defeat our enemies, and helps us build the Third Temple (which will appear in the time of the Moshiach). Our Sages tell us that the whole purpose of the Torah and mitzvot is to help us refine our character.
Character refinement is also central to the 12 Step Program, the 13 Step To Live with Choice Program, EMETT, and the counting of the Omer (the days between Pesach and Shavuot).
The real enemy of the Jewish People is not the terrorist, it is the yetzer hara (the evil inclination).
Resentment can hurt us spiritually and physically because, according to The Garden of Emunah, everything comes from G-d, everything is for a purpose, and everything is for the best.
If we hold on tightly to our resentments, because we are compulsively negative in our attitude, resentment can block us from appreciating blessings from Hashem. 12 Step members frequently find that resentment can cause us to be enslaved by our addictions. In order to find freedom from a negative attitude, that may be the default setting on the computer in one’s mind, one can pray to Hashem for help in exercizing the free choice that He gave us. Only He can graciously bless us with the ability to think, so that we can experience the exhilaration of free choice. “Think” is one of the slogans of the 12 Step Program.
“Let go and let G-d” is a 12 Step slogan that can help us acknowledge that G-d knows infinitely more than we do. “My best thinking got me here” is a 12 Step phrase that helps us stop trying to control the Universe.
In order to free ourselves of resentment, we can look at any one who has repeatedly, severely abused us, and try to forgive their inner child. If we forgive the inner child within a terrorist, we can still be assertive. We can still take Court or Military action against the terrorist in order to protect ourselves and others. According to American Law and International Law we have an inherent right to respond to deadly force with deadly force. When domestic or International abuse happens over and over again, we can predict that it will happen, and take preventative action to protect ourselves. Our Meetings have the potential to help us make a breakthrough from war, just as AlAnon can help the domestic victim find freedom from abuse.
My prayer is: because we are making the effort to be thankful servants of Hashem, and at the same time, knowledgeable partners in Creation with Him, may He graciously expedite, through peaceful and pleasant means, the arrival of the Geulah.
Shabbat Shalom,
Amie Glazer, JD
216-691-0173
4 Sivan 5776/ June 10, 2016
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